A few months ago I saw Richard Linklater’s new movie ‘Hit Man’, starring All-American sweetheart Glen Powell. And although the movie was a lighthearted, romantic, and seemingly surface-level fun movie, the major theme is actually really important if you ask me.
The story follows Gary Johnson, a fake hit man. To do his job successfully, Gary takes on a handful of different personalities, one of which happens to catch the fancy of an attractive female client. As their romantic dynamic unfolds, he deals with the balancing of two different personalities – one being his reserved, self-conscious, awkward self, and the other a self-assured, macho, charismatic figure people find all-too-easy to fall in love with.
By the end of the movie – SPOILER ALERT – Gary has gone through a real transformation, his desire to secure a relationship with his love interest ultimately leading to a more permanent commitment to this other version of himself.
This raises a few questions:
Is the version of Gary Johnson that is now committed in a relationship, technically, real?
Is it ‘wrong’?
Plain and simple, my answers are:
Yes.
No.
Without going too deep into explanation, I had a similar conversation with some friends recently in which one of them mentioned his recent experiences with dating. The obstacle he was consistently running into was that his funny, friendly, and easy going nature was giving off major ‘FRIEND’ signals. As a result, his dates couldn’t quite see him as a romantic match, but rather as a good buddy – a funny ol’ pal. Ouch!
Another friend chimed in and said he’d been having similar experiences, his overtly coy and tender nature leaving his dates with the impression ‘Oh, he’s the SWEETEST but I don’t see myself jumping into bed with the guy’. That’s no fun either.
Such was the problem in a nutshell for Gary Johnson. I brought up the idea to my friends that we all have various, nuanced characters and personality types bundled up within us whether we know it or not. Therefore, it only becomes a matter of turning the saturation of these character traits up or down based on circumstances. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying it’s cool to go full blown Robert Downey Jr in ‘Tropic Thunder’ or to act in ways that are disingenuous to our true nature.
Think more along the lines of how we change the way we speak based on the person we’re speaking to. It’s common that we alter our tone, language, and volume when talking to a friend, parent, grandparent, stranger, coach, boss, or romantic partner.
Sometimes at work, if I’m heading into a higher-pressure situation where I feel I’m a bit out of my league, I’ll throw in a piece of gum to chew. It’s a ‘character choice’ that, however seemingly odd, makes me feel more confident. It gives me a composure and boldness and makes me feel like Brad Pitt who’s always eating in his scenes.
And that’s basically what I suggested my friends try on their next date. Doesn’t have to be gum of course. But to lean into a more confident, alluring version of themselves while turning down just a couple notches the qualities they typically use with friends so that the signals don’t get crossed. No need to be dishonest or aloof but just having fun with allowing a nuanced version of themself shine through!
I think that, just like Gary Johnson, we can often get trapped in an idea of who we think we are and what we believe our strengths and limitations to be. And quite frankly, I believe it often can lead to selling ourself short.
That’s why I find it important to remember we are versatile, smart, and malleable creatures with the capacity to play many different truths. Just like our boy Gary J.
Would love to hear your guys’ thoughts on this one!